8 Money Lessons I Have Learnt Picking A School For My Child
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It is common knowledge that raising a child is hard. I knew this when I became a mother seven years ago. What I did not know, is how crippling the school decision was going to be. I started researching schools when my daughter was one, and six years later, I cannot say I have a definite answer on whether I am doing the right thing by her education or not.
A few decades back, things were easy – most of us went to the nearest public primary school. Because of many factors that others have talked about extensively ( I urge you to follow Dr Wandia Njoya for insights on education in Kenya), we find ourselves in a position where we have a whole range of private schools to pick from, which cost too much and deliver little.
One great thing about my indecision is that I consulted widely, and still continue to talk to parents about their school choices. In fact, when I meet a parent, the first thing I ask them is where their kids go to school and why they chose that particular school. From this exercise and my experience, I have gathered some money wisdom around schools that I would like to share.
1. No school will do everything for your child
When starting out on the school hunt, we usually have all sorts of requirements.
“I would like a school that is great academically, nurtures talent (sports and music especially), will not pick my child too early or drop them late, takes care of their spiritual needs, has a warm environment etc etc”.
The reality is that most schools are good at either one or two of the things you want in a school. You have to make a choice of what is really critical for you and make up for the rest at home. On talent development, for example, my experience is that the schools that claim to nurture talent might do more than most, but ultimately, this is on you as a parent. Four years into the schooling journey, my must-haves are; academic rigor and structures and systems – I prefer schools that are not owner-managed. Everything else, we make do. Define your must-haves and be conscious of the areas that need you to step in to reinforce. Most of the learning happens at home.
2. Go for a school you can comfortably pay
With the first point in mind, consider this. In a capitalist society, it is common to believe that the more you pay for something, the more valuable it is. This may be true when it comes to schools. Brookhouse, for example, has better facilities than most of the other cheaper schools in town. But are the student outcomes better?
As I mentioned earlier, we went to primary schools that were almost free, and here we are. The quality of a child is determined at home. An expensive school may have better facilities, but if picking it means spending all your evenings away from home to earn school fees money, the trade-off is not worth it. My wise mentor and friend Thambu once told me that I should pick primary and secondary schools that I can comfortably pay for, from my monthly salary, and spare the big money for higher education. This advice has served me well – opening days are not stressful at all, and I have enough money to invest for higher education, while also doing point (3) below.
3. Budget for school fees and then some
Private education has loads of unforeseen costs. First, the school will require you to pay tuition, transport, and lunch as a standard. On top of this, most extra-curricular activities (what they call talent development) might come at an extra cost. To that, add other activities like school trips. The second group of expenses is what I hinted at in the first point. If your child is gifted in a particular area, or if you want to explore art, music etc to help them develop, you will need to pay quite a bit for it. For example, a 1-hour music lesson is KS 1,500 – 2,000. An hour of private swimming lessons ranges between KES 500 – KES 2,000. Think about how many hours it takes a child to master a skill and budget accordingly.
My rule of the thumb on this is that the out-of-school extras will cost at least half of what you pay in school fees. If your child is gifted and needs daily lessons, then it might even cost just as much as school fees or even more. The yearly cost of my daughter’s swimming lessons is equivalent to her tuition fees.
4. Try not to borrow for education. Including university
Our parents did this to take us through school, but I discourage it. Why? Because times have changed. The (world) economy has gotten progressively worse, and education is no guarantee for employment. Our parents could with a level of certainty project that if they invested in taking us to the university, we had a good chance of getting good jobs. This is not the case today.
Unless you have passive income, borrowing against your current salary to pay for education means you are compromising your retirement, and also putting yourself in a position where you will not be able to support your child financially, should their education not pay off. If a loan must be taken, let it be at the university level, and let the child take the loan. It is easier to help them repay their education loan than to get a child to help you fund your retirement.
5. Remember it is a marathon, not a sprint
On average, the education journey is about 18 years long give or take. A lot of things change over an 18-year period so you want to take this journey at a comfortable pace. At some point, I was musing whether to take my child to a high-priced school, because I could afford it, though it would mean forgoing any extra payments and cutting my investment fund by about 20% per month. I shared this with a friend, and she helped me gain clarity by asking if I was sure I could bear this cost for 11 years – and the tuition fee was going to keep increasing as she progressed upwards. What would be the trade-off? She encouraged me to look for a cheaper way of achieving what I liked about that school, without taking such a big commitment.
6. Upgrading is always easier on the child that downgrading
This is related to (5) above. Many of us make this decision with the idea that if times get tough, you can always go to a cheaper school. But this is not easy on the child especially. While many children have downgraded schools and turned out alright, they will always speak of how it felt moving from a school that had “x facilities” or a certain socialisation, to one that did not. If your financial future is uncertain, it is always better to go for what you can comfortably afford, then when you are in a more stable position, you can upgrade the school.
7. Do not attach your identity to the schools your kids attend
Again, because of capitalism, parents have learned to size each other up based on how prestigious the schools their kids attend are. Detach yourself from this mindset, and focus on getting your children a decent education at a price tag you can afford. Whatever your decision, hold your head up high – you are making conscious choices for your children and those choices are valid.
8. Giving up everything for your child is a heavy burden for the child to bear
There is a school of thought that says a parent should sacrifice everything for their child. I disagree vehemently with this. I do not think it is a healthy way to approach parenting. There should be a balance between doing the best you can for your child, and also living your life.
Children learn by observing us. A child who watches their parent live their best life while being a present parent is likely to do the same when they become parents. For example, studies have shown that working moms raise more empathetic sons and more successful daughters. Secondly, sometimes these sacrifices can foster resentment, especially where the child desires things their parent did not want for them. We all know of these stories where parents force their kids to take a particular course or keep reminding their adult kids how much they sacrificed for them. Do not be this parent. Reserve some resources for your goals and work on them. It will make you a better parent.
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