Of Career And Motherhood Conflicts. My Thoughts On Maternity Leave (1/2)

Motherhood and career is a controversial “holy ground” topic we like to avoid, because opinions are strong and often  emotional. However, after discussing the issue on Twitter with a few people,  I thought to share my views on this, and the advice I would give as a mentor in matters career and motherhood.

As is always the case with controversial topics, a couple of disclaimers:

1. I am a mother, but not a biological mother. I have absolutely no idea how it feels to bear a pregnancy, and I have never given birth to a child either naturally or by c-section. As such, my views below are not in any way meant to diminish the stress a mother goes through in bearing a child or the amount of time a mom takes for her body and mind to fully recover. I think every mom should take as much time as she needs to recover physically and mentally after child birth, before thinking about going back to work.
2. The law provides 90 calendar days of maternity leave , though it is silent on adoptive moms and for that reason, an adoptive mom would need to negotiate with her employer. An employer shouldn’t require you to work during your leave without your consent, and the above days do not include your mandatory 21-days annual leave.
3. My posts about this are not suggestions on what the law should allow, they’re my opinion of what one should negotiate with their employer regarding maternity leave, and what I view would work best for both mother and child.

I am writing this from the perspective of a 30-something woman in middle-senior management who is about to become a mom (or is a mom). Things have changed. Unlike our parents who had babies in their early 20s then pursued their careers, we are getting children at a later age, and at the same time we are getting into senior management positions much younger than our mothers. As such, we have challenges most our parents didn’t face in balancing new motherhood and the responsibilities that come with a busy career. In addition to this, few of us can afford to take time off to bear children, the Kenyan economy isn’t yet advanced enough for one to make significant income as a “work at home” mom, and really this is the 21st century: a mother should experience the fulfillment that comes with having a successful career. 

When taking maternity leave, most women  opt to combine their 90 day maternity leave and the mandated annual leave, which adds up to about 4 months of leave after the baby comes. It is viewed as the best thing to do for both the baby and the mom, as it ensures that the mom spends maximum time with the baby while he/she is young and vulnerable. Is this however, the best thing for the mom and the baby? I see several disadvantages with this approach to maternity leave:

– Yes, mom and baby get lots of face time for the 4 months, but the abrupt separation on day 1 of the 5th month may not be the best thing for baby. Most employers expect a new mom to be back on the 8-5 grind immediately maternity leave is over, and at times, the mom may find a backlog of work  in addition to playing catch up on changes that may have happened in the 4 months. If you factor Nairobi traffic during the work commute, both baby and mom rarely get time together during the week. This results to an overworked stressed and anxious mom, and we all know that a happy mom is a good mom.

– Secondly a baby’s health isn’t predictable, and if you’re a first time mom like I am, you find yourself rushing to hospital every so often for false alarm illnesses (real and imagined).  Having used up your annual leave days on maternity leave, you then stretch your employer’s graces by expecting them to give you time off every so often to cater for the baby.  The law does not require your employer to be gracious, and yes he/she may give you time off, but everything in business comes at a cost.  As a mom, you find that you will need a lot of grace from your employer to handle the side-drama that comes with the territory (house helps being top on that list). I will talk about my approach that earns you this grace.

– Like it or not, your career suffers if you’re away for 4 months. A typical SME doesn’t have much flexibility in terms of hiring. As such you find every role is crucial to the operations of the company. At lower levels, the company can hire replacement staff at a relatively low cost and with ease, but this is not possible at managerial level. If you are the CEO or a senior manager in a start up, chances are the company can only afford one CEO, and your second in command are departmental heads who may keep the place running but still need your direction.

– In a competitive environment the career cost is even higher. Competitive (often male) colleagues view maternity absence as their opportunity to get ahead of you and sometimes sabotage your growth for their gain. In an ideal world this wouldn’t happen and a mom would have the freedom to take all the time she needs, but this is reality. Some women are ok with their careers suffering as a result of motherhood, but there are others who cannot afford it (financially and otherwise), and therefore have to find a balance.

In view of the above challenges, I propose a compromise arrangement which could benefit the baby, the mother, her career and her employer in the next post. It is not an easy solution, but nothing that comes easy is worth having.