One Thing You Need To Stop Doing Today

Has this ever happened to you? You are reading a book, watching TV, scrolling your tweets or shuffling papers while your significant other (or your friend or mother) is talking to you. Suddenly you hear, “You are not listening to me.”

You look up and say, “Yes I am.” And calmly provide a verbatim playback of everything said to prove that you were listening and that your companion is…wrong.

What have you accomplished by this virtuosic display of your multitasking skills? Was it smart? No. Does your partner think more highly of you? Not likely. Is anyone impressed? Hardly.

The only thing going through your partner’s mind is, “Gee, I thought you weren’t listening. But now I realise it’s a much deeper issue. You are a complete jerk” (What Got You Here Won’t Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith)

The paragraph above perfectly describes something that has happened with most of us. If it hasn’t happened with you, please leave a comment and help us become better listeners.

One thing I learnt from Marshall’s book is that listening is not about me. It isn’t about gaining information, or even giving the most appropriate response. Listening with respect is about making the other person feel listened to. It is about:

• keeping away the phone when someone  is talking to me or while in a meeting
• looking at them
• not letting my mind wander
• observing unspoken nuances
• thinking about what they have said before responding to them

We seem to be losing the art of listening (or maybe some of us didn’t have it to start with), yet being a good listener is the sure way to influence others, and to be considered an overall great person.

My resolution this week is to keep away the smart phone, and to not check my phone when with company. This includes my daughter!

Are you a great listener? If you are, how did you do it? If not, what’s the one thing you intend to do this week to get better?